Recently, I have been thinking back to about 7 or 8 months ago when I was praying about whether or not Peru was where God was calling me. (It's crazy how it feels like that could have been a month ago) But I remember sitting on the beach outside our hotel in Peru in January, when I was still unsure if I would accept the position or not, telling a friend how I felt like I needed to come here because I needed to be out of my comfort zone and stretched in order to grow and really rely on God. I remember saying I truly wanted that.. to be in a place where it isn't easy or comfortable, because I know that's how God has grown me the most in the past. That is so good to remind myself of because now that I am in that place, where it is really difficult, and stretching, and out of my comfort zone in every possible way, I am so quick to long for what is easy and comfortable. I came into this knowing, or at least telling myself, it would be really difficult... to step into my first year of teaching in another country, where I don't really speak the language (or at least well), away from all the people who know me so well, and teaching more classes than I ever thought I would teach at one time. But now that I am here, I still manage to be surprised by the way I am feeling.
Truthfully, I have felt more discouraged recently than I expected to feel, but it's amazing that I am able to look back on the times in the past when God has proved Himself to be the MOST faithful during these times. I am finding myself drawn back to Psalm 73:26... "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." I have been struggling more this week than any other time during my 6 weeks here so far, but tonight I was able to experience an answer to prayer after knowing many people have been praying so faithfully these last few days. God provided me with so much comfort and encouragement tonight from another female teacher here, and I just know He is going to use that friendship in an amazing way during our time in Peru. So, I am so thankful for that answer to prayer tonight, which seems so simple, but was a reminder to me that God knows ALL of my needs and will remain faithful.
18 comments:
Your honesty and transparency is an encouragement to my heart, Lauren. Thank you. I'm reading a book entitled, "A Woman After God's Own Heart" by Elizabeth George. I just came upon this prayer of commitment from Betty Scott Stam, a China Inland Mission worker. She and her husband were led through the streets of China to their execution by decapitation, while their baby lay behind in its crib. This was her daily prayer:
"Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept Thy will for my life. I give myself, my time, my all, utterly to Thee to be Thine forever. Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit. Use me as Thou wilt, send me where Thou wilt, work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever."
Her cost was high. Her commitment to God cost Betty Stam her ministry, her husband, her child, her life. That kind of commitment is indeed our high calling as His children. As stated in Romans 8:17 "and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together."
Lauren, even on American soil where I live in daily comfort with familiar surroundings, I struggle with surrender and sacrifice to Him. He wants ALL of our heart not a slice here and there when it's easy.
Be encouraged. You're not alone in your struggle. "You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world." 1 John 4:4
I love you and will continue to lift you up in prayer.
lauren...i've been checking your blog everyday and was so happy to find you there today! do not ever feel as tho' you should only blog when things are great... those of us who love you want to hear from you always, even when you're struggling... not a sign of weakness, dear, just a reminder to us all that God uses us (and perfects us) in the moments of our greatest need. Without a doubt, He has called you there... and without a doubt He will supply all that you need to accomplish the task! and in these most difficult days i know you will experience a depth of His love and understanding beyond anything you have ever known before! know that i love you and am praying always...
thank you a. lisa, and thanks gram.. your emails this week were so encouraging, although they made me cry at school! i had to stop reading them so i wouldn't totally lose it. it was so comforting knowing you were praying for me when it got tough. keep praying that God will keep me in total dependence on Him, especially when it's this hard... i love you both so much!!
laur, i too am glad that you posted in the midst of your need to let us know where you are at and how to most effectively pray for you. i'm so glad we were able to email this week and that i was able to provide a small amount of encouragement. i love you so much and will continue to lift you up daily. i know that you are so far out of your comfort zone, and yet you are right that God will use you and change you and help you grow so much in these times. God has called you there for a reason. i am amazed daily at all the great work He is doing in you. I love you.
so glad to hear that friday night was so good. PTL! And so happy to see a new post! It blessed me so much tonight. Love you honey!
Laur:
Know that God doesn't send you anywhere without providing all the provision you need. He's faithful, and longing to hear from you and give you whatever you need to do His work there. But we, like the Israelites of old, though we have much at our disposal, sometimes try to "go it alone". Know that nothing that God promises in the bible is automatic. You have to ask, to receive; seek to find; knock before the door will be opened unto you. Do all in faith, believing He will give you what you ask for. He responds to faith, not need. He loves you more than we do, and wants you to be fulfilled and successful where you are. Depend on Him....He will never let you down!
Miss you lots!
Love, dad
Hi Lauren,
Everyone has already said things so well, that I will not try to repeat any of that. Just want you to know that what you're experiencing is very normal... EVERY missionary goes through that at one time or another, usually toward the beginning (like you). They tell you during orientation that that discouragement etc might happen, but that doesn't prevent it altogether.
Just keep clinging to the Lord each day! His clear direction that led you to Peru is confirmation that you're in the right place fulfilling His purpose there.
Lord bless!
Sorry about the deleted comment above! Doesn't pay to try to do two things at once and I'm at the bookstore right now.
Thank you Debbie for your kind words of encouragement to Lauren. They encouraged me as well, as i am concerned for her being so far away. (as a mom, i want to fix it and i cant) Thank you, thank you, thank you!
just in case you stop by here, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy Birthday Lauren!! I wonder what they sing for happy birthday in Peru? In Mexico it's "Las Mañanitas" without fail, usually quite off tune (ouch).
hya lauren... it's mid-day on your birthday... hope by now that you have been bombarded with good wishes and love from everyone! we are sending our hugs and our love over the internet... and our prayers right to the heart of God! have a happy day!
in case you didn't get to your email yet, here is a birthday wish coming your way with love from me. Have a wonderful birthday. Hope is the best one ever!!!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM THE THREE OF US!!!!!!!!
Happy Birthday Lauren! You and Megan share the same birthday - I never noticed that before. Am praying for you every day. God works best when we reach the point of total surrender though none of us like to be there in the moment - when we look back and see all He has done we have to stand in awe and amazement. The students in your class are blessed to have you as their teacher!!
Lauren, it is through the difficult times in life that God can fully reveal Himself, His power, His love and compassion, and I know He is doing that in your life. You are very brave to step out in faith and go to a place that is unfamiliar and far away to serve Him. There are few who do that. "Many are called, but few are chosen" YOU are one of His chosen ones! Happy, happy birthday!! God bless you on this special day. We are praying for you.
wow, thank you for all of the birthday wishes and encouragement!! i honestly had a wonderful 1st birthday in Peru, even though I am so far from home.. it was such a blessing to receive so much encouragement and love from home, but also be surrounded by new friends here. i will be posting soon as soon as I get some pictures of our celebration (because i forgot my camera!).. but thank you!!!
"Forgot Your Camera"????!!!! silly girl...
are we related, for real. LOL!
Love you!
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